My guide to being a great Trans Ally ..........
So, if you are reading this, you’ve found my Blog, and there are a few options as to how you got here, first up you are a friend of mine or my wife’s, and you read out of interest. Second, you followed a link, from one of the other social media feeds I use, and either you follow me to read when I publish or you this article popped up and you thought you would take a look. Finally, you got here by accident, you are not sure if reading about a trans persons’ life is quite your thing and may or may not read any further. I hope you do, and if you are not yet an ally to the trans community then maybe carry on and read this and some of my other posts and I’m sure you will see that myself and the rest of the trans people in the world are just like you, we just want to be able to live our lives and get on with things the same way you do. And this is where you come in. Being an ally to trans people, or in fact to any minority group, doesn’t make you a ‘Revolutionary’, it doesn’t make you some kind of ‘Activist’, it doesn’t even make you a ‘Politically Correct Fluffy Do Gooder’. It just makes you a decent human. But……… and there’s always a but, there are basic do’s and don’ts that come with being a trans-ally, and that’s what this piece is about, a basic guide on how to be a good ally. I love that I have so much real life support and that I have real acceptance of who I am, and that oddly I have friends who prefer me as a guy, and others that prefer me as a girl, some that socialise with both sides and some that have only ever met one side or the other but never both. By that, what I mean is that some friends have only ever known Sophie, some Russ and some know both. Here goes then: In the number 1 position and one of the hardest things that people struggle maintain is my right to privacy. Once I tell them or they find out that I am transgender, it’s like they are a 5 year old who was told “Don’t tell mummy I gave you sweets” !! People can easily feel that because I entrust them with that information or I am out to them, that that in some way means I am are happy for them to make a judgement call on who else should know. All I can say is, NEVER out a trans person to anyone else, it’s no one’s place but theirs to make a judgement call on something that could either invalidate their identity and breach their privacy, open them up as a target to hate or ridicule and in the worst case endanger their safety or how comfortable they feel being public. There have been times when I have discovered I have been outed to people I would have not yet chosen to tell, luckily as far as I know it hasn’t been an issue. There has also been occasion when I have asked others to pre-emptively tell people I would be meeting, hoping that they would not be either shocked or uncomfortable at the time, again, I’ve been lucky in that this also worked out ok. Number 2. Never ever confuse sexual orientation with gender identity and never assume a trans persons sexual orientation is based on their trans status. Just like everyone else in the world trans people are straight, gay, bi and any other sexual orientation they may choose. Some like men, some like women and some like both. For example, I identify as non-binary/gender fluid, but irrespective of my presented gender at any time I am only attracted to women, specifically my wife, which is why I am very happily married to her. Remember that gender identity is not linked to sexual orientation. Number 3. Prefixes, Names and Pronouns. Well, if there is an area that you are truly going to offend if you get it wrong, this really is the one, especially in public. Please do not use the prefix terms Real, Biological or Genetic to designate people who are not transgender, use the prefix ‘Cis’ as an alternative, it literally means ‘Same’ as in same as assigned at birth. Terms such as Real, Biological and Genetic being used to describe cisgender people implies that transgender people are not ‘Real’ and our ‘Biological/Genetic’ existence is in some way invalid. When it comes to names and pronouns, use the correct ones, you have a name and preferred pronoun and would be rightly put out if addressed incorrectly. If you are unsure, just ask what someone prefers. If you make a mistake then politely correct yourself and if someone else does, then subtly correct them. Where He/Him/His and She/Her/Hers are used by most people, some prefer They/Them/Theirs. As Sophie, presenting as female, I use female pronouns, but as Russ then the male ones are appropriate. If you want to know more, a quick online search for ’Gender Pronouns’ will tell you everything you need to know. Then last of all, names, please don’t ‘Deadname’ Trans people, and don’t ask what their real name is (ie their birth name), and if you do know this detail, then keep it to yourself, remember, if they want someone to know this information about them, they will tell them themselves. Miss-gendering and Deadnaming happen, especially when people first come out, but deliberately doing this is demeaning and wrong. If you see others doing it, then please step up, correct and educate them. It really impacts trans peoples self worth and validity as humans when this happens Number 4. Instead of saying that a trans person was ‘born a boy’ or ‘born a girl’, use the term ‘assigned male or female at birth’. This simple change acknowledges your acceptance that the someone like me is real, valid and can identify as I wish to, especially as I got no say in the gender I was assigned at birth. I was assigned this according to the genitalia I was born with, which is fine, but as we know, this does not define our gender or sexuality it is simply a way of putting us in a box when we are born. Number 5, Bodies, Medical Status and Transition. Simply put, never ask a trans person about their body and what bits they have or have not got. You wouldn’t ask a cis-person questions about what’s in their pants or bra or how they have sex, so don’t ask us. Questions like these are hugely invasive and this is personal information that no one must share. Likewise, our medical status, i.e. if someone is undergoing hormone therapy or is planning gender affirmation surgery is intensely personal, if they want to talk to you about anything to do with this then they will approach you first and do it on their terms. And lastly in this part do understand differing gender statuses, and what it means to transition, there is no requirement to undergo any medical procedure to transition in the UK, trans people can have everything legally changed and be recognised in their preferred gender without surgery. The only exception to this is a change to name and gender on a birth certificate as this requires a Gender Recognition Certificate to be issued. However, these can be obtained exceptionally where surgery could present a risk to life but all other requirements must still be met to satisfy the Gender Recognition Board. Further to this, understanding why someone may or may not wish to undergo a medical transition is also important. Don’t assume all trans people feel like they are trapped in the wrong body, ie suffer from gender dysphoria, and so not all trans people need medical interventions. Number 6, Assumptions and Judgement. Don’t assume all trans people identify as the opposite binary gender to that they were assigned at birth, many more trans people are choosing to identify as both, neither, or something altogether outside of the gender binary. Remember that trans people with non-binary gender identities are just as valid as someone who identifies as a binary trans individual. In recent times this is something that some of the trans community have not stood by. Not very inclusive behaviour from those of them who were screaming for all inclusiveness in the past !!! Don’t judge trans people on how they look or dress and don’t tell them what is or is not appropriate for their gender identity. Just like cis people who do come in every shape and size and dress however they want with haircut and styled any way they wish, trans people are absolutely entitled to do the same, and express themselves however they desire. Number 7, Safe spaces. It’s become a hot topic lately in the press that trans people want to invade so called safe spaces, when in reality, these are also our safe spaces as well. Understand that many trans people do not feel safe using a gendered bathroom as they could become a target for hate crimes and bullying, understand your freedom to use these spaces without fear or anxiety and realise the implication of, as some are suggesting, trans females should be in male only spaces !! think about it, this means that the stocky bearded guy with tattoos that’s a bit scary, should be in a female safe space, because he was assigned female at birth !!! just saying. Many trans women suffer from physical and sexual assault, sexual harassment and in many cases a greater degree of discrimination and prejudice than cis women do. If you want to know more about my experience of this, read my post about it, titled #Metoo https://beingsophie.weebly.com/blog/metoo and this is all in addition to the standard transphobic behaviour I and many others experience on occasion. A quick scan of the daily papers will show you how acceptable it still is to scandalise transgender people and twist the truth to support whatever rhetoric the journalist is after supporting on that day. So, whenever you see transphobic behaviour, please don’t walk on by and let it happen, if it’s safe to do so confront it, if not report it. Please, please highlight it to others and re-educate when others don’t understand the truth. Number 8, Listen, Learn and Talk. When a trans person is happy to talk about their gender identity, and some are more so than others, this gives you a vital opportunity to be honest about things you don’t understand. But please don’t expect a trans person to just become your educator, that’s not our job. When it comes to learning, there are so many resources out there on the internet, do your own research and remember that one trans person is not a spokesperson for the whole diverse community, we all have our own perspectives. I write this blog, but its really just my way of discussing points I think are important, and getting my story out there, I certainly don’t speak for everyone although I am sure that there are many others who think and live the same way that I do. Talk to other cis people, open discussion in the work place or over a coffee with friends, engage and share your experiences. Most people’s understanding of gender identity and diversity is based on stereotypical examples of us, or the only detail has come from inaccurate representation in the media. Always remember that as an ally you play a pivotal role, how you talk about trans people, will influence how others will perceive us, and this really does make a difference to how we feel accepted into the wider community. What you say as a cis man or woman, what you do and how you behave towards trans men and women, will make more difference to mine and others acceptance than anything we can say or do. This is a case of what you can say, really does matter. Your respect and support for the trans community is what makes living our lives and being able to make choices so much easier. Finally, all that’s left is for me to say a huge thankyou for reading and that I really hope you enjoyed this and any other posts you may have read on here. You can now understand a little as to why having allies in my life is so important. If you want to know more, then contact me through this blog or on one of the other Social Media platforms that I use (The links are all below). I’d also love to receive your feedback, and if you can ‘Like’ ‘Share’ ‘Post’ ‘Tweet’ and ‘Follow’ as well, then even better. Thanks again, Love and Hugs, Sophie xxx Facebook www.facebook.com/beingsophie Twitter www.twitter.com/sophietgirl Bloglovin www.bloglovin.com/blogs/being-sophie-17676297
1 Comment
|
AuthorHi, I'm Sophie. I hope you enjoy reading my blog. Please leave some comments on what you think of my blog x Archives
March 2022
Categories
All
|