Transgender Day of Visibility 2021 …………
Hey and it’s the time of year now that spring is in the air, with ……. No its not Spitting Images ‘The Chicken Song’ it’s the end of March, specifically the 31st which is the day annually used to celebrate TDoV (Transgender Day of Visibility). This year is the 12th Anniversary of TDoV and as was last year, due to limitations brought about by Covid-19, there will be no opportunity to do something to celebrate. Since 2009, this has happened every year on this day, and was founded as a way to recognise and celebrate the achievements and contributions that so many trans men and women bring to us all, known or unknown, in an effort to raise awareness and of and attempt to eliminate the discrimination that is still to this day alive and kicking against the trans community, more than any other minority group. Sadly, this effort to try and demonstrate that trans men and women the world over are just human, the same as everyone else, is more important now than ever before. In 2020, despite most of the world being in various states of lockdowns and having curfews imposed, the numbers of hate crimes, sexually motivated crimes, murders and suicides amongst the trans community worldwide was higher than any other year on record, Human Rights Campaign (HRC) started tracking this data in 2013 and year on year, the numbers are rising, they should be falling. This issue is highlighted separately every year when both trans people and allies come together on 20th November to remember all that have suffered and lost their lives through Transphobia and Hate. Don’t get me wrong, for many of us life is pretty good, for some who have huge success and those that are high profile and have fame on their side, life is probably great, but even they can’t escape the behaviour of online critics and trolls, and no matter how much they have achieved, behaviours like that still have a negative impact on them, their families and those close to them. Here’s a few statistics to ponder on as a way to understand why being visible, being accepted and being treated equally are so important, some of these also show why getting this message across is so difficult and why many are so unaware of how bad things still are. ONS has reported that In the UK, trans people are twice as likely to be victims of hate crimes, with almost 1 in 3 experiencing this in the last year. A separate survey conducted by Galop has revealed in 2020 that the trues figure is that 4 in 5 trans people actually suffer these crimes but almost 70% of them still go unreported. A report by Media Matters showed that in the US only on 54 minutes of news time was allocated to reporting of crimes against trans people, not a 54 minute report, but 54 minutes in the whole of 2020 by all the major Cable and Network News Channels. Back here in the UK the much awaited consultation report into the reforms of the Gender Recognition Act (GRA(2004)) was published after a protracted 2 year delay, with the government pretty much deciding to ignore all the findings and make no changes that would really make a difference for anyone. Their decision has only served to maintain all the difficulties that obtaining legal recognition so hard for so many. Anyway, moving on, something I did before that I thought I’d share again for anyone who hadn’t read some of my much older posts were a few replies I wrote for questions I’d been asked. I decided to revisit these and update my answers where I felt it was needed. So the first one, What does TDoV mean to me personally ?? For me more than anything else it means raising awareness to and for others, demonstrating in the best way that I can, that I’m just the same as everyone else, my gender status should have no bearing on how I’m judged or as to how I succeed in life, I am at the end of the day, just me. For most of my life I hid away, but in recent years I have been able to bring myself forward and celebrate who I am. I am lucky that I have support and acceptance from friends and some relatives, but this is a day when I can remind others that I can also support them. The world has a long way to go to and only by people understanding and accepting, will things permanently change for the better. Something else I was asked about was how to explain transgender people to children, along with raising children who are accepting. My thought was literally wow this is a tough one to answer and it took some time, I wasn’t initially even sure I could give an answer. But for me, I believe that children understand simple honest truths best of all. To explain in a way they can understand, can make everything so much simpler. Having an open and accepting family environment from the start will also help. Kids are not born as judgmental or critical individuals, these are generally traits that they learn from those around them, they also learn binary standards and what is the expected norm in the same way. If you want your kids to grow up as accepting of all types of people then its best to start straight away, remove social binary restrictions and rules. Allow play to explore gender variation, don’t force pink and blue games, play, clothing, jobs etc, be matter of fact when they ask questions and never be embarrassed. Always model good behaviour and stand for equality for all in the same way that we all did for women and for the LGB community. Explain that when we are born we are labled as being male or female based solely on our body parts, but as we grow some of us feel that we are not the same as we are allocated, being trans is not an illness or a mental health disorder and only an individual can know exactly who they are, transgender covers a full spectrum of people who are not fitting fully into an expected binary. How can anyone decide who we are on our behalf ?? no one tells me my child is straight or gay at birth, or if they will like ketchup or brown sauce, so why should someone be able to decide my gender identity, even before I know it and what my own brain is telling me. Next up was how to deal with offensive comments, rudeness or ignorance from people that actually don’t realise they’re doing it. I have been here and had to deal with this and with hindsight I did it all wrong at the time. The difficulty is that when someone is not intentionally being rude or offensive, but something they have done, is exactly that. I was in a branch of Claire’s Accessories buying some earrings and as presenting female at the time I was somewhat taken aback when referred to as ‘Sir’ by the assistant at the till. It was quite busy and quite noisy in the shop, and but said it loudly enough that everyone else queuing at the 3 tills was very aware, it caused people to stare and some then made hushed comments to people they were with. What I did was got really embarrassed, paid quickly took my stuff and left as fast as possible, and I allowed what had happened, to make me feel ashamed about who I am, I allowed it to really upset me. What I should have done was stopped and said something there and then, maintained my pride and turned the whole situation on its head. I could have simply responded by asking to speak to the manager and staff member to one side. I could have said, “Whilst I may appear to you to be a man dressed as a woman. This is irrelevant, I am transgender and expect to be spoken to as the gender I present, as is my right, not to be outed through your lack of consideration toward me”. In any case like this I think that the best thing to do is make a formal complaint, verbally or in writing and highlight to the staff exactly what in most cases their D&I training will have already told them. It’s an all too common occurrence, but something that companies take very seriously, especially those with a public facing, such as retail and hospitality. Following that one was a question asking what the best and worst things are about being a trans person. Let’s go with the worst thing first, for me and probably many others it’s the knowing who we are, but spending so long shutting that away through our own perceptions and fears of rejection and concern of what will happen to us when people find out. I suffer from Stress, Anxiety and Depression, and this has throughout my life been a contributing factor. The thing is I spent my whole life knowing exactly who I was, but never sharing it, and although I am more open with many people and I am much more out there, there are still some close family who I fear to share this with. I occasionally worry about my job and what would happen there, but I do work for an employer that has made massive advancements in acceptance and support for those who desire to fully medically transition, although that’s not quite the same for people like me who are not following a medicalised route through life. So, what’s the best thing? For me this is simple, I am now more open than ever before, and I’m proud of who I am. This was a hard journey to get to where I am now and I’ve written more about this in other Blog Posts, but I’ve met so many lovely people on my journey, and in different ways they have helped me find my voice and to move forwards. All of this has given me the will to stand up and shout for others. If I can open someone’s mind, if I can help someone else to accept and be proud of who they are, then I can be that completely accepting person that someone else needs, because more than anything, I know what they are going through. I have learned so much about tolerance, understanding and acceptance, and without these things our societies will fall apart …… with them we can achieve anything !!! Next on the hit list is the question the tabloids love to throw in at every opportunity, What toilets should I use ?? This is not a question I can answer for others. But for me, I’ve only ever used a toilet that matched my gender presentation, so when I was presenting male I would use a male toilet and when presenting female I use the female toilet. I consider this to be the only safe option, there has been way too much debate recently about what toilets transwomen and men should use, but I don’t see it as up for debate. There have been many news articles and discussions in social media claiming transwomen using a female toilet is an attack on safe spaces and all sorts of other things. What people forget too often is that that safe space is also our safe space, you would be more at risk from assault as a transwoman in a male toilet than not. Recently there was an article posted where a transman, well built, muscly, bushy beard etc etc, photographed himself in a female toilet with several women, it was a staged photo to make a point that if people think transwomen should use male toilets then he should be using a female toilet. I think he made his point really well. Personally, I have never had any issue in using female toilets, even in busy pubs and clubs. If all else fails and you don’t feel comfortable, then use the disabled/baby change toilet. Moving on is to a question I don’t really like. Do the terms/labels Transvestite and Cross Dressing still fit in todays society ?? This is regularly debated, and the terms are generally deemed interchangeable. The term crossdresser is preferred by some who see themselves under this label and enjoy dressing for fun, many don’t go out anywhere, they don’t see themselves as women and don’t have a ‘lived’ experience. They prefer this because they see the term transvestite as being looked at as something a bit deviant. The term ‘Tranny’ as abbreviated has become a bit of an abuse word, to throw at transwomen. Due to the number of people who label themselves with it and generally dress for sexual kicks, it’s very much an outdated term these days. That said, they are, as far as I am aware, rightly or wrongly, still terms that fall under the overriding spectrum of the transgender umbrella. Personally, I think that these terms/labels are seen as being unfashionable or non-PC these days. Obviously, some may disagree, but that how I see it. With so many better-defined categories around and as understanding grows these just don’t fit in the same anymore. Another regular question is will Non-Binary or Gender Fluid people be more accepted than transpeople who undergo a medical transition ?? Ok, I don’t think that non-binary/gender fluid individuals will ever be more accepted than any other trans individual. In my opinion, I think that there is more understanding and acceptance towards those who fully medically transition, and I think this is because they are seen as still fitting into a binary role in society. However, I also feel that the case for equality in tandem for non-binary/gender fluid transpeople is often hampered from within the trans community, with some elements taking a TERF (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist) attitude towards those who either identify within the other Gender Variant categories, or who only socially transition and do not feel the need to have a physical operation. So simply put, I don’t see a time when those who are not full time or medically transitioning will be accepted equally with those who medically transition, I think we will always drag behind and sadly, will not be fully accepted by those who can’t see past the ends of their noses. If the whole of the trans community can’t pull together and see ourselves as one, then what hope is there for complete delivery of the equality and inclusion ideals that we all strive to have. The final question I’ll answer here is when deciding to come out to family, how did I do it ?? The simple answer to this one is that there are some people I’ve told, some that I haven’t, and some that discovered it for themselves. Those in my family who I haven’t told, may already know, they may not. I decided who to tell and when, based on who I believed would accept me. I’m not now and don’t have plans for medical interventions, so it’s easier to keep the peace. As for other people, I told some, my ex-wife told some people before I had a chance, and others were told behind my back as gossip. But there have been a few questions and the odd joke but no big issue made and I have generally been accepted as who I am. I’ve lost some friends and there are some people who refuse to speak to me anymore, but while this was distressing at the time, what I decided was that its their loss not mine, and I don’t need people like that in my life. I have written much more on this in a specific blog post https://beingsophie.weebly.com/blog/coming-out-as-trans As a blogger with public profiles on Twitter, Intstagram, TikTok and Facebook, a public profile on Bloglovin and my Blog website where I publish, I am certainly not hidden and I’m really now of the opinion that I am just me, and if someone finds out and asks then I will talk about it at the time. I am as visible as I can be, and as open about my life as I can be, this has worked for me in gaining my confidence and acceptance from others. There is only going forwards now, there is no going back to hiding away and being embarrassed about who I am. Before I finish off, I just want to say a huge thanks to everyone who has supported and continues to support me, a huge thanks to all my friends. Without all of you in my life, I couldn’t be the person I am today, I couldn’t step up and speak out. Finally thanks so much for taking the time to read this and I would be happy to receive any comments or feedback that you may have. There are lots more posts on here as well. Just check out the archives and, if you would like to follow me, that would make me very happy. Just click on the social media links below to add, follow and like my feeds and pages. Thanks again, love and hugs to all. Sophie xxxx Facebook www.facebook.com/beingsophie Twitter www.twitter.com/sophietgirl Bloglovin www.bloglovin.com/blogs/being-sophie-17676297 Instagram www.instagram.com/sophie.smallman TikTok www.tiktok.com/@sophies045
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AuthorHi, I'm Sophie. I hope you enjoy reading my blog. Please leave some comments on what you think of my blog x Archives
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