So, I was sat on the sofa tonight listening to a bit of Jason Donovan, as you do !!! Hahaha not just Jason, but 80’s at 8 on MTV Classic, which will be followed by 90’s at 9 !!! and I was trying to think of something new to write and ended up trawling Facebook for inspiration. Now you may laugh at that but there are so many people that have so many worries, and social media is the ‘In place’ to air these and get other people’s opinions and ideas.
A couple of things that come up regularly are: How do I deal with questions over my presented outward identity, I.e. How I present is not matching with my ID if asked to present it, Driving License or Bank Cards, Passport etc. etc.? and should I worry that I don’t have any ID that matches how I present? Also, What will I do if someone who I know sees me and recognises me, because I am not yet totally open with everyone about my dual gender status ?? …… Well, I guess the only answer to both these questions lies within each one of us, I mean to take it to the extreme, my little girl is nearly 5 and I can assure you the only ID she owns is her passport where the picture was taken when she was 3 months old, and in it she looks like the identical twin of her brother who was also about 3 months old when his was taken. What I can say is that they are definitely 2 different people with 3 years age difference and the ID is only to allow the authorities to track when they enter and leave countries, it is of absolutely no use in verifying who they are, and nobody actually cares what they look like, I mean my little girl has her own unique and eccentric dress style which could only be described as a little bit ‘Vivienne Westwood-esque’ and my little boy wants to be Peppa Pig, or a Train or Tinkerbell or whatever takes his fancy that day. Is anyone going to stop them from getting in somewhere or travelling, of course not and in reality, none of us can be stopped either. In my passport, I have a typical military haircut (It was taken whilst I was still serving queen and country) and the picture in no way reflects any part of my fluidity between genders. Ultimately it doesn’t matter, and it doesn’t matter because whatever name I choose to go by as a female, all my official documents, passport, driving license marriage/birth certificates, all specify my gender as male and bear my male name. this you see, is my problem if I choose it to be and no one else’s, hence my opening comment that the answers lie within ourselves. So how do you deal with questions? To start with, what can anyone in authority actually ask you? Let’s think, ‘Is this your identification?’ err yes ….. ‘Date of Birth?’ err 30 Oct 74 ….. ‘Name, Address?’ err ….. you can read ?? You get my drift, when you think about it, what can they say or do. Nothing on a driving license or anything else says I can’t have long hair, wear makeup or a dress and heels. What can anyone not in real authority ask you?, to verify who you are?, well you know what, this used to worry me more than the above. You see, I can be refused a service or entry to somewhere, unlikely these days as most businesses would fear any negative comeback, but really, that’s about it. This didn’t stop me worrying about 2 things: Firstly, the fear of being refused entry to somewhere because I did not look representative of my legal proof of who I am, you know, when you want to get in a club and they insist that you can only use legitimate photo ID and it must be presented under a door camera, oh yes, these places are not stupid, they have you and your ID on HD video, so cause a problem and it’s all over and you are getting a taxi home early. But here’s the thing, that’s why it doesn’t matter if you look different, they have you and all your details on camera, so why worry about it. I worried about this every time I went out until recently when it was proved to me that there was no issue at all at a venue I had avoided at all costs because of this. Secondly, I worried about this because I feared being made to stand out and questioned in front of other people which I perceived would be hugely embarrassing. I don’t really know why I worried about this because again, what business would do this and risk bad publicity, and the fallout for them if a member of their staff created a situation for anyone like that, and if a member of the public did it to me, then I am protected that way as well, the same as every other person in the UK. Problems aside though, there are little things that can be done if it’s such a problem of course, ask your bank to remove the gender pronoun from all your bank cards, use names with the same initials, but mostly it’s down to individual confidence and how you handle yourself, if you are self-confident and carry yourself well, no one will question you anyway. So, should I worry about this ? Absolutely not, there really is no reason to worry about it. Whether my ID reflects how I present or not, ID documents are there for one reason only, to identify who I legally am, and that’s it really. The second question on the other hand is somewhat more of a personal dilemma, and is something that has caused me no end of stress and panic for so many years. What to do if someone recognises me who I have not shared this life with. Why stress over this you may ask, and if you are reading this blog, then: 1. You know me already, and you know I am a T-Girl. 2. You like reading it and have no trans issues. 3. You would like to understand more about this different fluid life, or 4. You are like me, but want a different view on it as it is also affecting your own life. In fact, I guess this list could go a lot further but you get the idea. Anyway, it has caused me a lot of stress over the years, not because there is anything wrong with me, but because of how I was conditioned in my social upbringing and interactions with those around me. This left me feeling, from an early age, that there was something wrong with me, and that hang up became so deep rooted that at any given time it can almost be like a paranoia that takes over. To me this means that if I am recognised by someone who knows me but doesn’t know this me, that inevitably it will lead to some sort of public humiliation. Of course, I have absolutely no basis for this idea and it has never happened, in fact, I have been out recently and seen someone I know and they didn’t have a clue who I was, either that or they identified who I was immediately, made no outward sign whatsoever and then ignored me for the whole hour and half that I was in the same bar. It was also on this same night that I met some old friends for the first time as Sophie, and made some other great new friends in the process, so a real night of firsts, a real confidence booster and a real night of all evaporated worry and fear. But, back to my personal dilemma, well, I guess the advice my wife gave me is probably the best out there, it was simple and backed up by several of my closest friends and allies. If someone comes over and says anything or acts shocked or uncomfortable, the best reaction is no reaction at all. Not as in ignore them, that’s just plain rude, but more so to react in the same way I would have if I bumped into them in the street on any given day, i.e. an enthusiastic greeting followed up with the same friendly conversation openers that I would normally use. If the subject of why I have long hair and am presenting as female even comes up then just say, “I didn’t know that you didn’t know, I thought everyone knew”, and act like nothing is out of place and it’s just a catch-up chat between mates. Now, this is probably easier said than done but really, I can’t think of a better way to neutralise a shock situation and completely leave the other person, who I would perceive to be a threat, with the ball in their court. I mean really, what can they do without making themselves look like the bad guy or girl?? nothing, and I guess that’s the point. I suspect in reality and I’ve not really had a lot of chance to put this to the test, that it will be girlfriends who are more likely to just go with it, and probably be more likely to ask questions, where as I may be wrong but I suspect that some guys are more likely to be on the back foot and not know how to react or what to say, all brought about by the usual macho bullshit that they have in so many cases been brought up on, however I would hope that as we are now well embedded into the 21st century that many more would also just take it in their stride and not be in any way phased by it. So, I guess that concludes this post, and I have just come up with a new fear, and that is that my blogs are way, way, way too long and that no one made it this far and finished reading it. But if you did, I really hope you enjoyed reading, please feel free to leave a comment and you can also find and follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Bloglovin, just follow the links below. Love and hugs, Sophie xx Facebook www.facebook.com/beingsophie Twitter www.twitter.com/sophietgirl Bloglovin www.bloglovin.com/blogs/being-sophie-17676297
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AuthorHi, I'm Sophie. I hope you enjoy reading my blog. Please leave some comments on what you think of my blog x Archives
March 2022
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