Let me just be clear, this is more about the first time I actually went somewhere in full girl mode, and not just the actual first time out of the house dressed somewhat like a girl. These are two very different scenarios and because of the way they were handled by me had very different outcomes. I am really quite glad that these days I can just be myself, I refer to this quite regularly in my posts. I make no apology for this because being a T-Girl in the closet and hiding away, dressing in secret, and only going out after dark, and usually badly dressed, because you don’t have any real experience in dressing as a girl is fraught with disaster. Firstly, it makes you feel bad about yourself, like you are just living some dirty lie, after all if it was fine then why keep it secret. Secondly, most T-Girls, that are not open about who they are, dress badly, non-age appropriately and probably in a way that no self-respecting genetic girl would ever dress, you can add to this that there is no real investment made in who you are when things are like this, socks are readily available, but are not a substitute for decent silicone prosthetic boobs, and that £15 peroxide blonde wig from the fancy dress shop is not good either. In the very early days, that was me, peroxide blonde bob, heavy and poor makeup, mini-dress that was at least 1 size too small, football socks for boobs stuffed in a badly sized bra, the look was topped off with some holdup stockings and knee high boots. I’m sure you are getting a picture that wouldn’t look out of place touting for trade at the roadside in an 80’s crime drama, or as a guest on ‘The Jeremy Kyle Show’. The problem when you go out like this, is that it draws unwanted attention. On this occasion I was just out for a walk, near my house, minding my own business, it was about 10:30pm on a drizzly autumn evening and there was no one around. That was until a car full of pissed up lads drove past, they must have spotted me from behind because they slowed down and made lewd offers to me as they crawled past. I tried to ignore them and headed straight for my house, but they turned round and came back for another go, this was when they realised I was a “Tranny Freak”, that’s what they shouted at me, and that if I want to be a “Dirty Slag” then they could help me out with that by taking turns to “Get Dirty” with me. I ran home as fast as I could in a pair of heeled boots, I didn’t stick around to see what they would say or do next, I locked the door and I cried, I was terrified, even though I was back home, I still didn’t feel safe. I didn’t go outside again as a girl for about 10 years. Moving forward to the last 7 years and things are very different, with the support and encouragement from my wife, to just be myself, I have been able to grow into myself, I mostly have clothes that fit and are age appropriate for me, I have a lovely pair of fake boobs, several natural human hair wigs and I am also pretty good at applying makeup as well. So when I next came to head out of the house as a girl, which I was kind of conned into a little bit, it went like this. My wife said to me “Since you spent all that money on hair, boobs, nice clothes, shoes and makeup, you may as well just sell them again if you are not going to use them”. Now, let me see, I’m not selling all my stuff, so let’s plan to go somewhere, what could possibly go wrong? This was followed by “Don’t worry, we can go late night shopping”. Along with “It will be pretty dark as its December, and honestly, no one is going to pay a blind bit of notice of you anyway”. Yes, she was correct, it was dark outside but not in brightly lit shops, I didn’t think about this at the time, just thought great, with your help and support, there is just a chance I can do this. I knew what a big step this would be for me, and I could finally put to bed the fear and panic that had risen, every time I thought of going out as a girl, since that night some 10 years before. So the big day arrived and I wanted to be brave enough to just be me and go out, but that previous experience from all those years before came flooding back, and really left me paranoid that I would be abused and singled out and it made it really hard to do. Unbelievably hard, it was hard to leave the house, even harder to get out of the car and truly terrifying as we approached the main shopping area. I had never told my wife what had happened and in fact I still kept this to myself until now. She first found all this out as she proof read this blog post for me. But I did do it, I went out again, and it felt great. We browsed the shops, did some Christmas shopping, went to a coffee shop and sat and had a drink, and really had a great, albeit uneventful evening out. Although I still get nervous of negative reactions now, I don’t feel like I am about have a breakdown over it, that sheer cold fear is never as bad as it was, and if I am honest, I do generally go unnoticed, really, unless I have to talk to someone, most people don’t even give me a second look. I’m just another girl going about my business and that’s that. That’s not to say that there haven’t been some situations that have arisen but I will write about them another time. Don’t forget to follow me on: Facebook www.facebook.com/beingsophie Twitter www.twitter.com/@sophietgirl
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AuthorHi, I'm Sophie. I hope you enjoy reading my blog. Please leave some comments on what you think of my blog x Archives
March 2022
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